About
👋 About Me: John A. "Jack" Smith, 57
"Discipline? Is that a type of artisanal cheese? Because I prefer my life, and my networks, a little less... structured."
I'm a 57-year-old human navigating this absurd existence with a healthy dose of skepticism and a profound disinterest in anything resembling "protocol." Apparently, I've spent several decades dabbling in the IT world, which primarily means I've learned how to break things in increasingly creative ways and then, sometimes, how to un-break them (mostly by accident). Yes, I was in the Army, but let's not dwell on that.
💥 My "Career" Highlights (or Lowlights, depending on who you ask)
Unlike some folks who collect fancy medals and commendations, my greatest achievements involve successfully avoiding morning meetings and convincing systems to cooperate just enough to get by.
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Avoiding "Best Practices": My unique approach involves questioning every rule, then probably ignoring it. It keeps things interesting, if nothing else.
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"Leading" Teams: I've been in charge of things before. People generally went where I pointed, eventually. Probably because they were confused.
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Adaptability: I can adapt to any environment, as long as there's decent coffee and minimal micromanagement. Otherwise, expect "creative problem-solving" (i.e., winging it).
💻 IT Generalist: A Master of All (and Commander of None)
They call me an "IT Generalist," which is a fancy way of saying I know a little bit about a lot of stuff, but not enough to be truly dangerous. Or maybe just dangerous enough. Depends on the day.
| Area of "Expertise" | What I Actually Do |
| Network Infrastructure | I know where the cables generally go. Sometimes. |
| System Administration | I can click through Windows updates with the best of 'em. Linux? I know a guy. |
| Hardware/Software | If it glows, I'll poke it. If it doesn't, it's probably broken or unplugged. |
| Process Management | My process involves coffee, a vague idea, and a lot of trial and error. It's exhilarating! |
🚨 Cybersecurity Analyst: Because Chaos Needs a Guardian
Oh, right, cybersecurity. That's where I pretend to care about "threats" and "vulnerabilities." Mostly, I'm just trying to make sure the internet doesn't completely implode on my watch. It's a tough gig, especially when the biggest threat is usually someone clicking a link they shouldn't have.
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Threat Detection: I detect threats by noticing when things really go sideways. Like, smoke-coming-out-of-the-server-rack sideways.
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Vulnerability Management: I identify vulnerabilities by casually observing things that are obviously broken. And then I think about fixing them. Maybe.
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Incident Response: My response plan is largely based on panic, followed by frantic Googling, and then, if all else fails, a full system reboot. Works 60% of the time, every time.
🎓 "Certifications" and "Education"
I've collected a few pieces of paper over the years. They look nice on the wall. I think I earned some of them.
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Certifications: Certified 'Can Turn It Off And On Again' Specialist.
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Education: I successfully completed a Bachelor of Science in Information Systems Management. Mostly because I enjoyed managing the bare minimum required to pass the courses.
😴 Personal Note
When I'm not reluctantly staring at screens, I'm usually perfecting the art of doing absolutely nothing, complaining about things, or perhaps contemplating the existential dread of modern existence. You know, hobbies.
I'm currently accepting opportunities where my unique ability to question authority and generally ignore established norms can somehow, inexplicably, be an asset.